I never realised that I would love being a Mother as much as I have.
I never expected to fall pregnant when I did.
I was told having a baby would change my life, just not how much!
Three days after I had conceived a very dear friend told me that I was pregnant. She was not a friend at the time. Rather I had sought her counsel as a tarot card reader, and I needed some answers desperately. I soon realised just how desperately.
K says that the minute your child is borne, so is ‘Mothers guilt’ I had it bad in the form of ‘single mothers’ guilt’ My fiancé rode off into the night never to return, my Mother was dying of cancer and I was almost at the end of my seasonal contract. Leaving me pregnant, single and sans job in the winter.
After the initial shock passed as I stared at the blue line on the stick in my hand, I knew I needed to make some very important phone calls.
I phoned every new mother that I knew or who were friends of friends to ask a very basic question. ‘If you knew then (before conception) what you know now, would you still have had your baby? I.e. WTF should I do?
And this is the advice a most beloved friend gave me. She said ‘I have had two abortions and there is not a day that I do not wake up and think of them”
It was all I needed to hear.
I was 33, and the time was now.
Had I known just how much I have loved being a mom I would have had more How, I’m not sure, but I would have loved to.
I sometimes bring it up with K, but she has already given my ten year old six years notice! So I doubt adoption will happen.
I loved being pregnant. I had the perfect pregnancy and let me tell you for a Rubanesque girl, being pregnant was liberating.
I strutted my stuff in tight little shirts and skirts and boots and looked mighty fine. If I may say so myself.
My birth too was wonderful. I am horrified to hear about the nightmares some unfortunate women have had to endure. My friend Van had a labour that lasted for nearly 4 days. That is inhumane. No wonder she only had one child.
I had a Caesar and I can recommend it to anyone. It was not my choice. I had planned a water bath with incense, soft music and my midwife in attendance. Alas I had no option as my baby could not engage (mother -speak for moving down into the birthing canal) and we could have died had it not been for modern medicine.
He was borne on a cold winter’s morning, to the sounds of Vivaldi’s four seasons.
Yes, I have loved this journey. It is one of constant learning and growing. Not only for my son, but very much for me.
He is named after two very important men in my life and his name means ‘unwavering protector’
My steadfast guardian is all that, and more.
My joy manifest.
For those in the LGBT community that shun LWC (lesbians with children) as not being ‘real’ women or ‘true’ lesbians. Well…..
There is enough bigotry in the world without members of our own community adding to it.
Embrace your fellow sisters. With children, however and by whatever means obtained.
All the shouting and breast thumping about equality and freedom should start in our own back yard.
Acceptance, just like charity, love and tolerance, should start at home.
We will never ask you to change a nappy (God forbid) or burp our babies.
We will however ask you to top up our drink and be our shoulder when necessary.
The umbrella of our Rainbow community is large enough to contain every one of us.
It is what our constitution is based on.
So saddle up Sistas, the ‘Cindy’s*’ that we push around in our multicoloured prams are the LGBT freedom fighters of tomorrow.
Originally published on http://justnotliketheothers.blogspot.com