We all have our own personal coming out story. Here is mine…
I can’t say exactly which date I came out, as I see it as a long process. One that I am still busy following.
I think I first started becoming curious about guys when I was at university at the age of 19. In hindsight, this seems to be a lot later than many guys, but it is an individual thing, so it doesn’t matter. I started becoming interested in the idea of masturbating with other guys, and wished that I had opportunities in my teenager years that I have read about other people having. I didn’t think that I was gay at this stage… just curious. I mean, why would I be gay?
Around this time, I had started getting back in contact with an old friend of mine, and while texting it sort of came out that he was not straight. And I thought to myself “I have similar feelings as my friend, maybe I am also not straight.” So I told him that I might be bisexual.
At that stage, I think it was more about the idea of being physical with guys rather than being in love. Until I met my current boyfriend…
The friend that I came out to invited me to a party, which was mostly a straight crowd, but did have a few gay guys there. And then… this amazing looking guy walked in, and my jaw just dropped. I said to my friend, ‘who is that!?!”. I ended up spending the evening hitting on him, even though I didn’t realise that was what I was doing. We got chatty, and I ended up completely infatuated with him.
We went on a couple of dates, and after about two months, he asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend. I was so shocked, and not knowing what I was doing, I followed my (rather fast-beating) heart and said “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend”. I thought I would try out this ‘gay thing’ as I can always change my mind later. Well that was over 6 years ago and we are still together.
It took me a few months into the relationship before I told my mother that I was gay. It was this moment that I felt like I was starting to come out. Well, she kind of drew it out of me. My boyfriend and I had a big fight over the phone, and I couldn’t help but cry so hard. My mother saw me, and for some reason she just asked me if I was gay. Crying, I said that I was “bisexual”. I still believed I was bisexual rather than gay then because I thought to myself that it sounded better for some reason. In almost the same sentence, she told me that she had always thought I might be gay, and that she thinks it is maybe a phase. So she was also confused, and a bit in denial. She was quite sad, and called my being gay “a situation”. She also did not get on well with my boyfriend as she believed that he had made me gay. But over time, she has come to terms with it and is now quite supportive of me and my relationship. I can say that she appears completely comfortable with me, my boyfriend, and my relationship.
As for being fully comfortable to tell the rest of the world that I am gay… well it is a long process. Most people in my life know, but there are still a few people that I feel awkward to talk to about me being gay.
And that is my story…
Originally published on gaylife.co.za