I know many people who think marriage is an outdated, conservative, downright needy idea. Why do gay people want to marry? they ask. Not even straight people should marry. Marriage is irrelevant. It is a club for the insecure. The opposite of independence. If you’re really in love, you don’t need a piece of paper.
Fair enough; you don’t need a piece of paper to prove that you love someone. But you need intention, and commitment represents that. Loving only in the present is not enough. The most powerful love reaches into the past and stretches into the future. It keeps up its rhythm of caring when the circumstances are rough, hard, bad, confusing. Love delivers loving actions when the feelings are rebelling. And that is when a promise becomes so important. It is the glue that holds you together when you are weak, tired, human.
Commitment is not the opposite of freedom. Marriage becomes really relevant precisely when it nurtures your independence; helps you grow as your own person. I was in bondage in relationships where the love was weak; it was in a strong love that I found myself able to move, stretch, test my limits.