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Magic Mike Review

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I wasn’t spellbound by Magic Mike. In fact, I was quite agitated by it.

I saw the premiere of Magic Mike on the 11th of July at The Zone where my five gay friends and I, together with the rest of the cinema of ladies, were treated to a free live strip show, Grazia magazine and Jimmy Jagga’s before the movie has even started. I’m still not sure if it was a pleasant experience though.

Despite one of the sexiest trailers I have ever seen. I wasn’t asking for much when I hoped Magic Mike would be stripper version of High School Musical. All the audience was expecting to see was a simple Rom. Com. with some great stripper scenes to add to the spank bank, instead we got a confused, sloppy film trying to ride on Channing Tatum’s fine ass (and that’s my job Honey…).

Even though this “film” (and I use that word flippantly) was directed by the Oscar winning Steven Soderbergh it tried to be both deep and dark AND sexy and fun but only ended up being neither. I will try and piece together a storyline for you but I am reading in between the very badly written lines here.

A successful male stripper (Channing) adopts a younger inexperienced hottie (Pettyfer) and shows him the very treacherous stripper pole ways. The End.

There is no climax of any sort. Even the strip scenes aren’t that great. They seem to have been filmed with an iPhone camera or worse, Blackberry.  The lighting and cinematography try so badly to be artist that it just ends up looking like a spoof of Requiem for a Dream.

All they had to do to please the audience was aim and shoot the very fine cast and they managed to somehow fuck that up. Well done, that is quite a feat.  You know a movie is wack if seeing the barely clothed Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, Joe Manganiello and Gabriel Iglesias only JUST makes it bearable to watch (and that’s me being generous).

Magic Mike is estimated to have cost 7 million dollars which is very cheap considering a normal successful Hollywood film costs around 65 million to make. To date, Magic Mike has raked in $91 841 198 at the box-office. That is one fucking incredible investment for all who were involved. Basically, this movie is a Ponzi scheme that takes advantage of the gays and the horny and we didn’t get fucked in the way we were promised.

If I wasn’t bored, I was appalled at either the bad cinematography or acting. But it’s so fascinating how quickly you forget how bad the last 30 minutes have been when they flash you a bicep or silhouette of a penis, manipulating you into staying in your seat clinging to the hope that a “bigger and better” scene will come. It never does and neither will you.

This is one movie that should not be watched at the cinema. Download it illegally so it doesn’t cost you anything. Then you can fast forward through any of the non-stripping parts and you can screen drop the brief worthy bits because no one watches porn for the story line and Magic Mike is no exception. An extended trailer would have done just fine.

P.S. You should to be a little drunk when seeing this film.

 

 

Originally published on justdylanjack.com

 

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What Does Queer Mean?

Queer is an umbrella term for sexual minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary.In the context of Western identity politics the term also acts as a label setting queer-identifying people apart from discourse, ideologies, and lifestyles that typify mainstream LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transsexual) communities as being oppressive or assimilationist.

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