Something very alarming has caught my attention. This topic is often discussed among my friends, especially in these days where homosexuals can have all the freedom and marry each other. I'm looking at Lesbians this time as I have my own experience and can relate, and have experienced it. Dominance over one partner... PATRIARCHY.
Let's first understand the term Patriarchy. A basic definition:
1. A form of social organization in which the father is the supreme authority in the family, clan, or tribe, and descent is reckoned in the male line, with the children belonging to the father's clan or tribe.
2. A society, comm. unity, or country based on this social organization.
Secondly, what is a Lesbian? (In this case a Butch lesbian):
A woman who adopts what would be considered masculine characteristics.
Alternate Definition: A (traditionally) masculine man or woman, and especially a masculine lesbian. Often the "dominant" partner in a lesbian relationship, and especially within a butch/femme lesbian relationship.
Dressing masculinity does not make a woman a lesbian, contrary to popular belief; it's usually more convenient. Acting masculinity only means that's the gender role that the person identifies with; it has nothing to do with their sexual life. A highly masculine man could be gay for all we know, and a very feminine man could be straight - both of these cases are frequent.
There is a relationship between two. In these recent modern times man and woman hold an equal state in the workforce. Man and woman are both providers, and both work to earn a living. Not in every case though.
The typical patriarchal union between a man and woman suggests that the man is the dominator in decision making. A woman has no say. In a situation where they stay together - married or not - the woman is expected to be submissive to her male. It is believed that a woman is responsible for all the chores and duties in the household. E.g cooking, cleaning after their partner and/or kids, laundry, do their part in the bedroom - just to mention but a few. Women’s opinions and decisions matters not. A man has every right to control almost everything in that union.
In a lesbian union or a relationship, for instance between a femme and butch, patriarchal tendencies are adopted by butches and endorsed by femmes. Not all cases, but how so? The butch as per definition will tend to adapt this tendency and take the role of being the dominator, just like a man. Almost all the decisions are to be made by the butch, just like a man. The femme will do all the things that a woman in a patriarchal enforced home will do. Cook, clean after another woman... Do all the chores etc... Well doesn't that tell the heterosexual society that we want to be like them, by adopting this unfair tendency? Well, if a femme does conform to a certain level willingly and freely, then it’s fine. If a femme decides that "I want to treat my butch like a king" that's not wrong, if one is not forced.
However, what is the difference between butch lesbian and a man in this regard? The difference is in the trouser. Mind u both (just like women) are fully capable of all the chores and duties that women are expected to perform. What happened to equal partnership? No dominator: You wash the dishes I cook? Do we have mutual respect for each other? Are decisions taken together, based on valid points and facts?
One could then question whether patriarchy is genetic or a behaviour one is born with? Well it is not. It is a behaviour adapted to oppress the vulnerable ones. Do we have to adapt this unfair, abusive and oppressive behaviour? This is an enemy we don't need in any form of union in a society or union between two people. Let's shy away from this and move on with the times and treat each other equally and with respect. Let's not adapt something that goes against our existence as homosexuals, especially here in South Africa, and other parts of the world where our existence is legally recognised.
What's your opinion????
